What does the 'room' mean to you? Does the room in Korea and the room in here mean different to you?

My room was more like a secret place than my shelter when I was a teenager who’s living with whole family. Because all the things I couldn't tell to my family were in there, so my biggest goal was hide everything as much as possible. Of course, I was able to decorate and mange things in the house and room in Korea too, but now I can literally fill the space I chose with the objects I chose. I liked the fact that all these ecosystems were created by me, and this space is a part of me. Whether I like it or not, I can’t be 100% comfortable in Korea because I am in control of my family's opinions. This is my real home where I can rest fully as I am, and I have tried to make this room that way.

I love the word ecosystem. In this room I can really feel the ‘ecosystem.’ The ecosystem is like the identity of your room. Look at all these plants.

Haha, when I send a picture to my mom and dad they’re always tell me like it’s almost like flower garden! How you will move everything when you move out later? They’re already worrying.
Have you ever felt unwelcome as a foreigner or a stranger?

Well, it’s a natural routine to hear Nihao on the street, and it's gotten worse since COVID19 outbreak. It’s absurd to be discriminated by my skin color that I can’t change. You know, we did we get hit with snowballs by Dutch people on the street before. Of course I remember. It’s so traumatic! Not surprisingly, I feel more comfortable with immigrant Dutch friends than Dutch native friends. It is hard to get along with Dutch people with less overseas experience. It’s difficult to communicate with friends who have not encountered foreign cultures and foreigners.

Why do you think it's difficult? Do you think they had a low understanding of other culture?

Yes. I feel psychological barriers when I meet this type of people. When they make me feel like there’s a huge and thick wall of race between us, I have a feeling that I’m not an ordinary friend towards them. Rather than wondering about me, they ask a lot of questions about Korea, like is there something like this in Korea? Do you eat this in Korea? When the identity of ‘Korean’ is bigger than me and I feel like they labeled me as an exotic Asian girl. My cute little Asian friend… Exactly. Who ate kimchi, listened to K-pop, had a lot of cute cosmetics and did plastic surgery… Wow, that's the worst!
Do you have plans to go back to Korea or move to other countries? What's your future migration plans?

For me the Netherlands is the place as the preparation process for finding a third country. I don’t want to go back to Korea but I don’t want to stay here, too. I used to think I am a floating weed. I was floating around without rooting, and this was an anxiety factor for me. But over time, I realized that I was wrong. That's not a bad thing. I am a person who get bored when I adapt and settle down somewhere, so I want to keep going to a new place and getting fresh again with that new atmosphere. If I graduate, I will move to new countries periodically at any time.
Indian rubber tree which I brought from Albert Heijn in spring 2019. It was abandoned during the summer break of 2019 and almost dead with only two leaves left, but barely brought back to life.
2. A picture I took with my middle school and high school friends. We took it in our hometown downtown.
Do you feel that your life as a queer has changed since you came to the Netherlands? What is the difference between life as a queer in Korea?

In Korea, it's hard to tell people around me who I am, because you know, I'm worried about the reaction... I didn't talk about it as much as I could. However, I here I can easily meet queer people like me compared to Korea, especially in my school, so now I have no hesitation about talking about myself. I think I'm getting better little by little and courageous. Actually, I didn't talk much about my queerness to my hometown friends. I came out to very few friends, and recentely they told me that they never imagined it. But obviously in the Netherlands I don't hide myself. I think it's really nice here that I don't have to explain who I am from A to Z. When I am coming out, I don't have to answer a lot of rude questions, and I don't have to be stressed.

I can understand. I came out easily in Korea and luckily, most of people around me accepted me easily, but ironically I lived as a closet. Surely there are cultural differences in society.

Exactly. So for that reason I don't even know if I'm going to coming out to my mom.

Coming out to their families as a Korean is... It's not good. It's really hard. People are saying things like 'you trample on your parents' hearts to make 'you' feel better. They can live comfortably without knowing that...'

That's too realistic! So annoying. But I think... my mom doesn't have to accept everything about me, but at least if I'm happy in this way in my life, I hope my mom 'understands' me. I don't even look forward to 'cheering'.

I agree. Otherwise, I wouldn't lie to my mom, but she'd think she knew me 100%, but in fact, she could end up knowing me 20% for the rest of her life, right?

Right. And I think it's pretty sad...

But you did a short haircut and tattoo here, which are far away from the 'normality' of Korean women that you always wanted to do, right? Do you think it was possible to do it in a new space beyond the influence of Korea and your parents?

Well, of course, I was able to do it out of the influence of Korea and my parents. What else can they do? They can't fly all the way here from Geoje Island because of my hair and tattoo... However since I was the first child born in the family, I got a lot of expectations from people around me. Now I think I lost it for a lot of reasons. The expectations of those who love me... But what are they going to do? This is me.
Monstera Adansonii that I brought from Filya, next to the school, when the weather was bad and my mood was also bad. It is unique to have embossing on the leaves, and it grew so well that I share it to my friends. Eunjin also have one!
3. A picture I took with my brother, my friend who I got close to while attending the same art academy, and her twin brother.
Pictures I took with my best hometown friends in Korea. All the pictures are related to my hometown, Geoje Island.
They are divided into three groups:

1. A picture I took with my elementary school friends. We were all in the same art class (my mother was a teacher) and we were close since then. We graduated from the same high school too. Two of them were even attending the same university, so we took pictures near the school.
3. A picture I took with my brother, my friend who I got close to while attending the same art academy, and her twin brother.